Seeing you in my dreams

Every once in a long, long, time, I will have a dream with my son, Evan, in it.  These dreams are so special, because they are the only time I am “seeing” him.  Sometimes he is just a little boy, romping around with his brother.  Then, other times, and these are very precious, he is the wonderful 20 year old young man I lost.  In these dreams, he is happy, healthy, with a big smile on his face, just the way I want to remember him.  But dreams are so fleeting.  I woke up this morning, realizing I had one of those dreams last night, and I was so happy and couldn’t wait to tell my husband.  But, I must have dozed off, and when I woke back up, the dream was gone.  I can’t remember the story, just that I had the dream.  I am so disappointed, to have missed this “seeing” opportunity.  These dreams give me a sense of peace.

Whatever way there is a loss of a child — disease, accident, senseless shootings — the loss is unbearable.  What parents like us wouldn’t do to go back in time and prevent it from happening.  Sometimes we can’t prevent it.  But, with vaccine-preventable diseases, we have a great “shot” at preventing these tragedies.  I would give anything to hug my son in person, and not just in my dreams.